Senator McCain may be smart enough to fool his running mate Gov. Sarah Palin, but he’s not pulling a fast one over on any other American that made it past 6th grade.   During a recent interview with Katie Couric, McCain tried to convince Couric that Palin’s weekend gaffe, in which she totally contradicted McCain’s position on Pakistan, was a result of “gotcha journalism.”  Palin stated that the U.S. should absolutely launch cross-border attacks from Afghanistan into Pakistan to “stop the terrorists from coming further in.”  This position is quite similar to Sen. Barack Obama’s, yet McCain has repeatedly criticized Obama for making that type of declaration aloud.  When Palin made that statement to a voter who asked her opinion McCain somehow came to the conclusion that Palin was being tricked and the statement was taken out of context.  Um…whaaa?  Just admit it, McCain.  This was just another example of your homegirl forgetting what she was told to say during those cram sessions she’s been in for the past couple of weeks.

Another segment of the Couric interview with Palin will air Wednesday night on CBS, in which Palin cannot name any other Supreme Court case besides Roe v. Wade.  I mean really now!  You don’t have to be a genius to at least pull Brown v. Board of Education out of your distant memory of middle school Civics class.  Perhaps they didn’t have to study that one in Alaska since there isn’t too much need for integration up there.  Even so, Palin was a Political Science minor in college so she clearly wasn’t paying ANY kind of attention in class.

Regardless of Palin’s ridiculous ways, we can’t really blame her.  Her lack of knowledge about anything poitical would have been her own problem had McCain not put her in the American spotlight.  The overlying issue with this campaign is that McCain is a stubborn old man. He can’t get rid of Palin at this point because that will just show, once again, that he made a bad judgment call in choosing her; but if he leaves her on the ticket and she keeps these shananagins up, then he’s doomed.  At this point I’m pretty sure McCain’s advisors gave up on coaching Palin for the debate on Thursday with Sen. Joe Biden, and their new strategy is “just pass out if it gets too heated and we’ll have you carried off stage.”  Right now expectations are so low that if she even manages to make a complete sentence the debate will be a win for the McCain camp.  Since we are so nice here at Feed the Idiot Box, we’ll do Palin a favor and explain to her exactly what qualifies as a complete sentence.  Ready, Sarah?  Here we go.  A compelete sentence is a group of words related by meaning, which (1) Starts with a capital letter and ends in a period, exclaimation, or question mark; (2) Has a subject and a verb predicate, which should agree with each other in number; and (3) Has a complete thought.  Since we are giving you this information on such short notice we will teach you a simple sentence that might work well for you on Thursday (before you pass out) no matter what question has been asked: “I don’t know.”

Black holes swallow galaxies, and even light. And apparently Washington DC swallows leaders. Dubya just got on tv, I thought to reassure the financial markets, the American people, and the world that we will indeed make it through the current economic crisis. Instead, his posture was that of a husband in the doghouse begging his wife to let him sleep in the bed instead of on the couch. He told us how difficult the legislative process is, that the bailout bill needs to be passed, and that Wall St. affects Main St. But he didn’t say just wait a couple days and this we’ll be over this, or America’s economy can recover 777 points by the end of the week, or even that he’ll personally go to the Hill and get the votes himself. His utter inability to lead has brought up the fact that we really don’t have a leader right now. The three pseudo-Presidents, Dubya, McCain, and Obama, each have their following, but none are leading.

Dubya

His lame duck status can only be compared to Richard Nixon’s in the days before he resigned from office. But even Nixon wasn’t so lame for so long. He seems to be watching history from a perch and only commenting on it out of obligation. He commands no respect within the Democratic party and very little within the Republican party. He usually projects arrogance in an attempt to appear confident, but he’s even lost that.

And it’s not all his fault. The guy was a bumbling idiot in 2000, yet people voted for him because they wanted to have a beer with him. He was a bumbling idiot in 2004, yet people voted for him because we were in a war that he created. But because he’s always been so, you can’t blame him for being a bumbling idiot today. It’s like blaming a child for driving your car into a tree when you handed him the keys. That’s not the child’s fault, he’s physically and mentally inept at driving. He’s too short, his motor skills are underdeveloped, and he doesn’t necessarily understand the consequences of his actions. YOU, the adult, are to blame for handing him the keys. YOU are to blame if you voted for Dubya either time. YOU knew he wasn’t that bright, but liked his confidence and thought he was a cool guy. Now we’re all living with the consequences of your actions.

McCain

Since our actual President commands little respect and we’d all like to act like he doesn’t exist, we’re looking to the next guy to save us. Unfortunately, all signs point against McCain being that guy. He picked a bumbling idiot to be his running mate, which brought his judgment into serious question, especially given his age. Had he picked Romney, he wouldn’t be in so much trouble right now. But he followed the same train of thought that got Dubya elected: let me align myself with someone who agrees with me on social issues, because country bumpkins vote on social issues. The Presidency isn’t a single- or triple-issue job. He or she (yeah, right) must deal with hundreds of issues important to America and the rest of the world. So we need the smartest guy in the country in that seat in the Oval Office. John McCain isn’t that guy.

Obama

Vegas odds are that Obama will be President in January. Which is great, I support the guy. But he’s not President yet though he should be trying harder to act like it. Last week during the construction phase of the bailout bill, Chairman of the Senate Banking Committee Chris Dodd said that Obama had been on the phone with him and was helpful in shaping legislation that ended up in the final bill. And that’s great that he called Sen. Dodd, but he didn’t speak out about it and the McCain campaign called him out on it. Again this week, he seems reluctant to speak on the issue or even take a real stand on which side he’s on. The first debate with McCain also showed that he’s seemingly hesitant to speak forcefully and put the nail in the coffin, something that hurt him in the final weeks of the primaries against Hillary. If he’s against the bailout, that’s fine he should just say so. If he’s for it, he should at least be able to get the Black Caucus into the fold and get it passed. I don’t know what he’s waiting for or if he’s just unable to pick sides on this particular issue, but he could very easily show a bit more leadership and win over the American people.

But we haven’t had leadership for years now, and it shows. Vince Lombardi famously said,

“Leadership rests not only upon ability, not only upon capacity; having the capacity to lead is not enough. The leader must be willing to use it. His leadership is then based on truth and character. There must be truth in the purpose and a will power in the character.”

In what has been called the “Economic Pearl Harbor,” though there seemed to be a resolution to the economic crisis, the folks on Capitol Hill managed to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory. The proposed $700 billion bailout plan failed in the House by a vote of 228-205.

“President” Dubya got on tv yesterday morning to urge Congress to pass the bill, but apparently their cable must have been cut off because they didn’t get the message. Actually, it’s more likely that, like the rest of us, members of Congress don’t actually listen to Dubya anymore.

House Republicans, of which only 1/3 voted for the bill, blamed Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi’s bi-partisan speech prior to the vote for the failure of the bill. Republican Congressman Eric Cantor held up a copy of Pelosi’s speech and said she “frankly struck the tone of partisanship.” Democratic Congressman and Chairman of the House Financial Services Committee Barney Frank struck back at that assertion,

“I am appalled. There’s a terrible crisis affecting the American economy. We have come together on a bill to alleviate the crisis. And because somebody hurt their feelings, they decide to punish the country. Give me those twelve people’s names and I will go talk uncharacteristically nicely to them, and tell them what wonderful people they are and maybe they’ll now think about the country.”

While that drew laughs on Pennsylvania Avenue, folks on Wall Street were pulling their hair out. The Dow Jones Industrial Average fell a one-day record 777.68 points because stock brokers are reactionary babies. Consequently, there’s a pretty widespread credit squeeze that is affecting us all. Though such a bailout is unpopular amongst the majority of Americans, it needs to be done. The money will free up the credit markets in America, and, though it sucks, this country runs on credit now. Without it, dealerships can’t buy cars from manufacturers and customers can’t buy cars from dealerships. Just for kicks, go to your local Cadillac dealership and try to get a loan today. See how that works out for ya.

Congress is on a 2-day recess because of Rosh Hashanah and plan to bring the bill back up to vote on Thursday. And though 2/3 of the Democratic House voted for the bill, a majority of the Congressional Black Caucus voted against it because it failed to do enough to protect businesses through improved bankruptcy laws. Their votes alone could pass the bill, and this is a wonderful opportunity for Obama to come into town, insert the necessary bankruptcy provisions, and get the bill passed.

If you watch CNBC, you would think the sky is falling, but all signs point to a passable bill by the end of the week. The sun will indeed rise in the morning.

Miss Alaska’s first interview with Charlie Gibson was physically painful to watch as an American. But her recent interview with Katie Couric actually made me throw up in my mouth a little. Cause Charlie was obviously trying to ask her difficult questions and trip her up on politically esoteric topics. But Katie was really trying to be nice to the poor girl…and she blew it. When Miss Alaska was asked why the $700 billion in bailout money would be given to Wall Street instead of regular Americans, she said:

“That’s why I say I, like every American I’m speaking with, were ill about this position that we have been put in where it is the taxpayers looking to bail out. But ultimately, what the bailout does is help those who are concerned about the health-care reform that is needed to help shore up our economy, helping the—it’s got to be all about job creation, too, shoring up our economy and putting it back on the right track. So health-care reform and reducing taxes and reining in spending has got to accompany tax reductions and tax relief for Americans. And trade, we’ve got to see trade as opportunity, not as a competitive, scary thing. But one in five jobs being created in the trade sector today, we’ve got to look at that as more opportunity. All those things under the umbrella of job creation. This bailout is a part of that.”

I’m sorry, but doesn’t that sound quite a bit like,

“I personally believe that U.S. Americans are unable to do so because, some, people out there in our nation don’t have maps and, I believe that our, education like such as, South Africa and the Iraq, everywhere like such as, and, I believe that they should, our education over here in the U.S. should help the U.S, or, should help South Africa and should help the Iraq and the Asian countries, so we will be able to build up our future, for our children.”

Now, Miss Alaska’s response was a bit more comprehensible than Miss South Carolina’s, but she’s twice the other girl’s age. Neither answer had an ounce of conciseness. I think in pageant school they give you a list of keywords and keyphrases to memorize and to just keep on saying words until the person asking you questions looks satisfied, or time runs out. She actually speaks well when scripted, it’s just the whole question thing that messes her up.

But now that we all know that she thinks that “reducing taxes and reining in spending has got to accompany tax reductions and tax relief,” we can all rest assured that she’s got a good handle on the economy. Oh, and trade. Wait…weren’t we talking about Wall Street? I guess all of those things fall “under the umbrella of job creation.” Right? Wait…

The highly anticipated first Presidential debate of 2008 is finally over, but without any glaring gaffes on either side, did it really make any difference? Well, seeing that Old Man McCain’s campaign nearly derailed itself this week, he really needed to gain some ground back…which he didn’t. And Obama had a Commander in Chief threshold to overcome…which he did. The debate’s theme was foreign policy, but the economic crisis obviously had to be discussed. Here’s how they did on the two topics of the evening.

Economy
Obama definitely won this part of the debate simply because he mentioned the words “middle class,” “infrastructure,” and “healthcare.” Old Man McCain could only talk about lowering taxes, lowering taxes, and lowering taxes. Don’t get me wrong, I think paying income taxes is unconstitutional, but you’ve got to have a more robust plan than cutting taxes, which is all Bush has been doing for the past 8 years (we almost made it, folks). Neither candidate, however, spoke much about the current bailout plan. But strategically they really couldn’t speak on it since negotiations are still going on. It’s kinda like how the police chief can’t talk about the specifics of a crime during an active investigation. Of course he has an opinion on it, but he’s gotta hold his tongue for the good of the process.

Foreign Policy
Depending on your position on foreign policy, one person or the other won this half of the debate. If you have a gun case in your living room and need the nighlight on to fall asleep, you probably feel like McCain showed a great command of foreign affairs and Obama was naive. If not, you probably think Obama was surprisingly knowledgeable on the topic and McCain sounded a little Bushy. Either way, both held their own on the foreign policy debate and there was really no clear winner. And since Obama edged out a victory on the economy, you have to say he won the debate.

This can’t be good for McCain’s campaign. Every credible poll showed Obama as the victor (except the Fox News text poll which showed McCain over Obama 82% to 13%. Fair and balanced as always), and with the REALLY anticipated Vice Presidential debate coming up this Thursday, he needed a win desperately.

Expectations for Miss Alaska are about as low as Bush’s approval numbers, so she really can’t do that poorly as long as she speaks in complete sentences. Actually, the possibility of her doing remotely well is quite frightening. Let’s hope she doesn’t disappoint.

A man who was recently arrested in West Virginia caught a battery charge for farting in the police station. Jose Cruz, 34, was arrested for drunk driving on Tuesday and was taken into police custody when he felt the urge to…go. According to a criminal report, Cruz passed gas and made a fanning motion toward one of the cops. “The gas was very odorous and created contact of an insulting or provoking nature with Patrolman Parsons,” the complaint stated.

Cruz admitted that he did indeed “cut the cheese” but he did not aim it toward the police officers. Cruz alleges that the cops wouldn’t allow him to use the restroom when he arrived at the station. “I just couldn’t hold it no more,” stated Cruz.

Although the prosecutors dropped the charge, this story just makes you wonder what’s really going on? Aren’t there criminals running the streets that need to be taken down or something? This is a note to all officers…GET A LIFE! Thanks *poot*

John McCain finally put out a statement saying that he would attend his debate with Barack Obama tonight in Mississippi. Either old man McCain watched some late night television and heard the commentary on how silly his decision was to not attend the debate because he was “prioritizing” and fixing the economic crisis, or he realized that Obama would steal the spotlight tonight by turning the debate into a one man show/town hall meeting. Either way, I can’t wait to see these two guys go at it tonight and get some REAL answers on how America is going to get better…from Obama! YES WE CAN!

In an unprecedented political move, Old Man McCain suspended his campaign to deal with the recent economic crisis, and called on Obama to do the same. McCain has cancelled his stump speeches and wants to cancel the debate on Friday so the two presidential candidates can return to Washinton to create a proposal that will solve the bailout issue.

The problem here is that the players in this negotiation have already been selected, and neither McCain nor Obama is one of them. Obama outlined the Democratic plan, which is to create additional oversight rules, have the government share in the profits of these banks once the economy turns around, and create protections to allow homebuyers remain in their homes. McCain has a similar plan, but wanted to fire the SEC chief (which he can’t do even as president). So there’s really no disagreement when it comes to what should and will be done. The only issue now is the pricetag.

During the recent congressional hearing on the matter, the question was raised, “Why do you need $700 billion all at once?” To which neither Federal Reserve Chariman Ben Bernanke nor Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson had a good answer. Paulson’s plan also removed oversight of his own office, which we can all agree is what got us in this mess to begin with, essentially handing him a blank check to do with as he pleases. Long story short, what’s probably going to happen is they will agree on a lower price, say $100 billion, and the earth will continue to spin.

But back to McCain. He’s leaving the campaign trail to return to Washington to play Senator for a couple days. But many see the negotiations already going smoothly and see McCain’s presence as a distraction. Massachusetts Senator Barney Frank noted,

“Frankly, we’re going to have to interrupt a negotiating session tomorrow between the Democrats and Republicans on a bill, where I think we’re getting pretty close, and troop down to the White House for their photo-op, and then come back and get on to it.”

So then why, you ask, does McCain want to postpone the campaign and the debate when he’s obviously more of a distraction than a participant on this issue? Well aside from a transparent effort to steal the spotlight this week, it’s because he knows Miss Alaska isn’t ready for her final.

CNN’s Dana Bash reported this morning that the McCain campaign is trying to negotiate with the Obama campaign and the presidential debate commission to change next Thursday’s VP debate into the presidential debate that’s supposed to be held this Friday. He says if there’s no bailout deal by Friday, he will not attend the debate.

WHAT?!

You mean to tell me that the financial crisis is in such disrepair all of a sudden that you can’t sit down for a couple hours to talk about foreign policy, which is also in shambles? You’ve done this before Old Man McCain, you know the routine, and you shouldn’t have to do much preparation. Oh, but you have that other rookie on your squad that hasn’t studied the entire playbook yet, right?

Obama, unfluttered, says the debate is on.

“It’s my belief that this is exactly the time the American people need to hear from the person who in approximately 40 days will be responsible with dealing with this mess … What I think is important is that we don’t suddenly infuse Capitol Hill with presidential politics … Presidents are going to have to deal with more than one thing at a time. It’s not necessary for us to think that we can do only one thing, and suspend everything else.”

We’ll see who blinks first.

I just got a link to this fabulous preacher out of Baltimore by the name of Dr. Jamal-Harrison Bryant who decided to speak out about Sarah Palin and the RNC. Usually I’m not too keen on the idea of preaching politics from the pulpit (we saw what happened with good ole Rev. Wright), but this man came with the business. He’s right, it IS a shame that a black man who has lived the American Dream is being chastised by the RNC as an unqualified liar, yet they stick some chick from the trailer park in the race and hope that America is dumb enough to look past all of her many faults, which are contradictory to everything she allegedly stands for. Amazing. Check out the footage here.

A recent study from the University of Nebraska observed self-described conservatives and liberals and their reaction to disturbing images and loud noises. They found that conservatives sweat more and blink harder, both signs of heightened fear, to such disturbances.

Once the participants were divided into their respective political categories, they were each shown images of bloodied faces and maggot-filled wounds. The perspiration changes in their skin were then measured and it was found that conservatives sweat more in response to such images. The study also subjected the participants to random loud noises and monitored their eye movement. Similarly, conservatives blinked longer and harder in response to the noises, again a sign of greater fear. The study noted:

“Individuals with measurably lower physical sensitivities to sudden noises and threatening visual images were more likely to support foreign aid, liberal immigration policies, pacifism, and gun control. Individuals displaying measurably higher physiological reactions to those same stimuli were more likely to favor defense spending, capital punishment, patriotism, and the Iraq war.”

If you’re anything close to a liberal, you probably already suspected this was the case. But for all you conservatives that are saying, “I’m not afraid of anything. I only have 4 guns, a taser, an electric fence, a Brinks alarm system, 2 deadbolts on each door, 6 security cameras, and 911 on speed dial. Oh, and I’m taking Tae-kwon-do classes next week.” Well, get your thumb out of your mouth buddy and let me explain something to you.

Your neighbor is not your enemy. Despite what the Brinks man told you, nobody is going to attempt to break into your house to steal the replica David statue you bought at the art fair last year. Nobody wants your wife or your pudgy teenage daughter. Mmmkay? Look, random acts of violence happen, but the vast majority of crimes are committed against people that the perpetrator knows. And, more importantly, if somebody does want your stuff, they’re gonna find a way to get it. So that $12,000 worth of security systems you put on your house instead of in your pudgy teenage daughter’s college fund is pretty much a waste. In short, you’re a scaredy cat, you overreact unnecessarily, and you watch too much Dateline.

Let me break it down to you issue by issue. You favor defense spending for the same reason you dropped 12 grand on a security system, you’re afraid foreigners are out to get you and spending money on security makes you feel better despite the fact that random acts of violence will inevitably happen. You favor capital punishment because you’re afraid that guy on death row might one day kill you so you’d rather kill him first just to be safe. You’re uber patriotic because you’d like to identify with all of the patriots and warriors that helped forge this country, though you’d never have the gumption to face your enemy like they did. You favor the Iraq war because you think it’s the central front on the War On Terror, despite the fact that unlike other wars (Vietnam, Kosovo, Bosnia, etc.) it’s not against a particular country, but against an ideal, and the word “terror” is, of course, scary.